Listening, Silence & Healing

     "Listening is the oldest and perhaps the most powerful tool of healing. It is often through the quality of our listening and not the wisdom of our words that we are able to effect the most profound changes in the people around us. When we listen, we offer with our attention an opportunity for wholeness. Our listening creates sanctuary for the homeless parts within the other person. That which has been denied, unloved, devalued by themselves and others. That which is hidden.... 
     Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life." 

       Rachel Naomi Remen MD
       www.wisdomatwork.com

www.elephantjournal.com

 

Addiction - NOT a "Disease"

     “But is addiction really a disease? 
     This book makes the case that it isn’t. Addiction results, rather, from the motivated repetition of the same thoughts and behaviours until they become habitual. Thus, addiction develops – it’s learned – but it’s learned more deeply and often more quickly than most other habits, due to a narrowing tunnel of attention and attraction. A close look at the brain highlights the role of desire in this process. The neural circuitry of desire governs anticipation, focused attention, and behavior. So the most attractive goals will be pursued repeatedly, while other goals lose their appeal, and that repetition (rather than the drugs, booze, or gambling) will change the brain’s wiring. As with other developing habits, this process is grounded in a neurochemical feedback loop that’s present in all normal brains. But it cycles more persistently because of the frequent recurrence of desire and the shrinking range of what is desired. Addiction arises from the same feelings that bind lovers to each other and children to their parents. And it builds on the same cognitive mechanisms that get us to value short-term gains over long-term benefits. Addiction is unquestionably destructive, yet it is also uncannily normal: an inevitable feature of the basic human design. That’s what makes it so difficult to grasp – socially, scientifically, and clinically. 
     I believe that the disease idea is wrong, and that its wrongness is compounded by a biased view of the neural data – and by doctors’ and scientists’ habit of ignoring the personal. It’s and idea that can be replaced, not by shunning the biology of addiction but by examining it more closely, and then connecting it back to lived experience. Medical researchers are correct that the brain changes with addiction. But the way it changes has to do with learning and development – not disease. Addiction can therefore be seen as a developmental cascade, often foreshadowed by difficulties in childhood, always boosted by the narrowing of perspective with recurrent cycles of acquisition and loss. Like other developmental outcomes, addiction isn’t easy to reverse, because it rides on the restructuring of the brain. Like other developmental outcomes, it arises from neural plasticity, but its net effect is a reduction of further plasticity, at least for a while. Addiction is a habit, which, like many other habits, gets entrenched through a decrease in self-control. Addiction is definitely bad news for the addict and all those within range. But the severe consequences of addiction don’t make it a disease, any more than the consequences of violence make violence a disease, or the consequences of racism make racism a disease, or the folly of loving thy neighbour’s wife make infidelity a disease. What they make it is a very bad habit. 
     There’s no doubt that these changes [addiction] mark a difficult passage in personality development. … The many addicts who end up quitting do so uniquely and inventively, through effort and insight. Thus quitting is best seen as further development, not ‘recovery’ from a disease.”

       Marc Lewis. “The Biology of Desire. Why Addiction is Not a Disease.” Doubleday Canada, 2015.  

     See Gerald May's surprisingly similar (1988) perspective, based on 25 years experience as a psychiatrist specializing in addictions: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/11/self-defeating-behaviours-repression.html

     See also "Mechanism Equals Ultimate Cause???": http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2014/03/mechanism-equals-cause.html

Trauma - a Realistic Perspective

     "A critical component of ... the [Buddha's] Noble Eightfold Path ... counseled that trauma, in any of its forms, is not a failure or a mistake. It is not something to be ashamed of, not a sign of weakness, and not a reflection of inner failure. It is simply a fact of life. 
     This attitude toward trauma is at the heart of the Buddha's teaching, although it is often overlooked in the rush to embrace the inner peace that his teachings also promised. But inner peace is actually predicated upon a realistic approach to the uncertainties and fears that pervade our lives."

       Mark Epstein. "The Trauma of Everyday Life." Penguin Press, NY, 2013.

 

Suffering Well

     “Suffering confers neither privileges nor rights. It all depends on how you use it. If you use it to increase the anguish of yourself or others, you are degrading, even betraying it. And yet the day will come when we shall understand that suffering can also elevate human beings. God help us to bear our suffering well.”           Elie Wiesel, Nobel laureate

        Jack Kornfield. “Awakening is Real. A Guide to the Deeper Dimensions of the Inner Journey.” Sounds True (Podcast #1 The Sacred Journey), 2012.



     “I’ve learned a lot from my teachers and all the study and meditation I have done, but the painful aspects of life, the really hard times, have been my main teachers.”      Pema Chodron

       “Connect with the Best of Yourself – An Evening with Pema Chodron and k.d. lang.” Shambhala Sun, September 2015

Photograph by P. Michael Lovas

Authentic Leadership

"While you are proclaiming peace with your lips,
be careful to have it even more fully in your heart."

St. Francis of Assisi

 

"So if we are going to find lasting solutions to difficult conflicts or external wars we find ourselves in, 

we first need to find our way out of the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes toward others. 

If we can't put an end to the violence within us,
there is no hope for putting an end to the violence without."

 
Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

www.wisdomatwork.com

Dale Johnson   www.dpreview.com

Proper Role of the Ego

     “The ego is like a donkey.
      We want to ride the ego.
      We want to train the ego as our servant, rather than the petty tyrant within.” 

                         as told by a Sufi master to Cassandra Vieten                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-787otXnY

Public Gardens, Halifax, NS, Canada

 

What Are We Doing With Vital Energy?

     “He was an old man, wore old man’s clothes, a flannel shirt and old man’s trousers, slippers and a hat, and had an old man’s gait, yet there was nothing old man-ish about him, such as there was with my grandfather or my father’s uncle, Alf; on the contrary, when he suddenly opened up to us and wanted to show us things, it was in a kind of artless childlike way, infinitely friendly, but also infinitely vulnerable, the way a boy without friends might behave when someone showed some interest in him, one might imagine, unthinkable in the case of my grandfather or Alf, it must have been at least sixty years since they had opened up to anyone like that, if indeed they ever had. But no, Haugue hadn’t really opened himself to us, it was more as if it had been his natural self which his rejection had been protecting when we arrived. I saw something I didn’t want to see because the person showing us was unaware of how it looked. He was more than eighty years old, but nothing in him had died or calcified, which actually makes life far too painful to live, that’s what I think now. At the time it just made me feel uneasy.”
       Karl Ove Knausgaard. “A Death in the Family. My Struggle: Book 1.” Vintage Books, London, 2014.


     We bury so much difficult-to-understand, liminal energy in our bodies, causing us to harden, stiffen, & die well before we're buried. This feared & banished energy is the very stuff of life, growth, learning, evolution. What wasted opportunity!

 

Public Gardens, Halifax, NS, Canada