Bridge Over Troubled Waters

     “To undergo shipwreck is to be threatened in a total and primary way. … what has dependably served as shelter and protection and held and carried one where one wanted to go comes apart. What once promised trustworthiness vanishes.” Sharon Danloz Parks

     The rapidly worsening climate crisis, endless senseless wars & resultant perpetual refugee crises, the Covid 19 pandemic & resultant sharp economic downturn, all in the hands of an unprecedented number of sociopathic world leaders, all add up to chaos. No wonder some of us feel "shipwrecked."

     Some words of encouragement:

Blessing for Courage
by John O’Donohue

When the light around lessens
And your thoughts darken until
Your body feels fear turn
Cold as a stone inside,
When you find yourself bereft
Of any belief in yourself
And all you unknowingly
Leaned on has fallen,
When one voice commands
Your whole heart,
And it is raven dark,
Steady yourself and see
That it is your own thinking
That darkens your world.
Search and you will find
A diamond-thought of light,
Know that you are not alone,
And that this darkness has purpose;
Gradually it will school your eyes,
To find the one gift your life requires
Hidden within this night-corner.
Invoke the learning
Of every suffering
You have suffered.
Close your eyes.
Gather all the kindling
About your heart
To create one spark
That is all you need
To nourish the flame
That will cleanse the dark
Of its weight of festered fear.
A new confidence will come alive
To urge you towards higher ground
Where your imagination
will learn to engage difficulty
As its most rewarding threshold!

     More on "Shipwrecks": https://healthyhealers.blogspot.com/search?q=shipwreck

Photo by P. Michael Lovas

Healing, Healing, Healing ...

There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open to the place inside
which is unbreakable and whole ...

Rashani Rea

 

rashani.com

Public Gardens, Halifax, NS

How Would You Change?

     How would your behavior and your relationships change if you had only a month left to live? People get hit with such earth-shaking news daily in physicians' offices. What happens to their now very short lives?

     Some spiral down into their worst selves - angry, bitter, anxious, etc.
     But a decent proportion rapidly evolve into their best - loving, caring, considerate, etc. They drop all their self-centeredness, and open up to everyone and everything (become allocentric & ecocentric) - in other words, they become wise AND, AS A RESULT enjoy the best quality of life they've ever experienced (post-traumatic growth). These folks typically report that their terminal diagnosis was "the best thing that ever happened" to them!

     Meanwhile, most of us behave as if we were going to live forever ie selfishly, foolishly, mindlessly. Is this rational - even from a purely selfish, quality of life perspective?

If It Ain't Broke ... ? Upgrading Self-concept & Worldview

     We may use computers constantly, but very few of us would dream of upgrading (by personally reprogramming) the operating system (OS) of our computer. Most of us are not competent programmers, making the task seem impossible. So even if the computer is working sub-optimally, fear keeps us from personally meddling with the OS.
     For human beings, the closest equivalent to the computer's OS is one's self-concept & worldview. For many (psychosocial & spiritual) reasons, including their rightfully assumed central importance, most of us fear approaching these and firmly assume that we ourselves cannot "upgrade" them.

     On the other hand, the world's mystics & wisdom traditions have always been focused precisely on systematically approaching & upgrading what has become these days a virtually taboo - our self-concept & worldview. Like computers with outdated OS's, humans also function poorly when this central aspect of their being is neglected.
     Fortunately, there is now a widely-accepted means of approaching & upgrading our self-concept & worldview - Jon Kabat-Zinn's Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program.
     We should not wait till we break down, "shipwrecked", before we upgrade our OS. It's DOABLE, and there IS an approachable, intelligent, evidence-based method.

Aperture P   www.dpreview.com

A Great Shift, Challenge & Gift - Adversity!

     "When we come so close to death and so close to our own mortality and also to our own vulnerability, with the very fine line between being very capacitated, on top of our game, to absolutely losing everything - and then realizing that none of those things were actually who we are - that place is a very rich bed of insight.   ... in a wheelchair ...   That much slowing down, and that much introspection, and that much uncertainty & vulnerability, in the crucible of what makes us be able to move forward in life and in what really informs our ability to rise above these great adversities is what really comes forward in the situations in which you have nothing else left."

     "We are all incredibly courageous to have come here in the first place. This is not an easy journey. ... Our hearts are transformers. They can heal & love beyond anything we can even imagine."                                                 Mary-Jo Fetterly  http://mary-jo.com/

        from Pamela Post's CBC Radio Tapestry documentary "If You Can Breathe" - the inspiring story of yoga teacher Mary-Jo Fetterly: http://www.cbc.ca/tapestry/popupaudio.html?clipIds=2428137564

Risking for a Meaningful Life

     “If you have been brave enough to love, and sometimes you won and sometimes you lost; if you have cared enough to try, and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't; if you have been bold enough to dream and found yourself with some dreams that came true and a lot of broken pieces of dreams that didn't, that fell to earth and shattered, then you can look back from the mountaintop you now find yourself standing on, like Moses contemplating the tablets that would guide human behavior for a millennium, resting in the Ark alongside the broken fragments of an earlier dream. And you, like Moses, can realize how full your life has been and how richly you are blessed.”                                        Harold S. Kushner


     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=shipwreck

December's Child

Basic Essential Life Skills Need to be Re-introduced

     Society's escalating obsession with comfort, convenience and ease is dramatically reducing our competence to handle normal daily life. Parents, the education system, and organized religions are collectively failing to prepare children to assume basic adult (never mind leadership) roles.
     We need to formally re-introduce training in basic essential life skills! This means striking a healthy balance between the current extreme of rewarding people for having a pulse, and the old-fashioned abusive marine boot camp.

     By skillfully*** encouraging people to "go the extra mile," they "practice calling up emotional reserves until they trust that they have a stockpile of conviction. ... building heart ... is a preventive public health strategy that can inoculate against the potentially negative effects of stress and trauma. (With skill and will, this could become) an essential tool in the primary prevention of stress-related disorders ... and a critical skill that promotes having an optimal life. In addition ... heart can be developed after exposure to traumatic stress. Heart is critical to overcoming*** the sense of devastation and helplessness that develops from traumatic experiences.
     ***when training heart in (those) previously traumatized, it is critical to monitor their tolerance of the training to avoid overwhelming their reduced capacity to handle stress."
       Bell CC, Suggs H. Using sports to strengthen resiliency in children. Training heart. Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am 1998; 7(4): 859-65.

     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/04/capacity.html

Anne Bastedo   http://www.serenityimages.ca

When Our Whole World Collapses Around Us

      Sharon Danloz Parks writes eloquently about the major traumas - "shipwrecks" - that, if we live long enough, we'll all inevitably experience: relentless change, end of relationships, betrayal, job loss / retirement, serious illness / death of loved ones, our own aging, illnesses and ultimately, death.
     “To undergo shipwreck is to be threatened in a total and primary way. … what has dependably served as shelter and protection and held and carried one where one wanted to go comes apart. What once promised trustworthiness vanishes.” 
       Parks SD. “Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith.” John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.

     "‘ontological security’ ... refers to the important need to maintain a sense of security in a context of constant change and potential threat. Ontological security is what is lost when, at times of experiencing a major loss or a trauma, we lose our sense of who we are.”
       Thompson N, Pascal J. “Reflective practice: an existentialist perspective.” Reflective Practice 2011; 12(1): 15—26. 

     How do you feel reading this? Does it make you want to switch to a more pleasant topic - to distract you from "depressing" reality? Is it possible that the well-known ineffectiveness of suppression applies equally to our own existential angst?
 
     "Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full.” Carl Jung
 
     A common lesson in perspective: A toddler sits crying bitterly on the floor - his whole world has collapsed for him. His Mom stands above him smiling with love in her heart for the little dope, whose inexpensive toy has just broken. If the child saw Mom smiling, he'd think that Mom doesn't understand the seriousness of this catastrophe at all - or is laughing at him. But of course, it's the child who lacks the long-term big picture - "the 30,000 feet perspective". Mom's been through such calamities herself, and has confidence that sooner or later, the boy will grow and understand ... and indeed we all have this potential. We all are BOTH the frightened child AND wise grandparent.

Photo: Vittorio Fracassi   www.dpreview.com

Self-concept & Worldview & Crises

     “The change from storm & winter to serene & mild weather … is a memorable crisis which all things proclaim.” Henry David Thoreau

      “In the physical sciences, dramatic shifts to very different ways of thinking are common. In fact, they are regarded as essential.”
      Ramo JC. "The Age of the Unthinkable. Why the New World Disorder Constantly Surprises Us and What We Can Do About It." Little Brown & Co, NY, 2009.  

    

     Is our worldview / self-concept something solid we can hold onto and depend upon - OR - but a provisional model (paradigm) in a rapidly changing world? The more we identify with it as a solid, unchanging "me", "who I am", the more powerfully it colors our perception and influences our thoughts, speech & behavior. Our worldview / self-concept is the operating system (OS) of our life. Yet how conscious of it are we?

     Do we actively avoid examining our OS? Do we "keep busy" with work and distractions? Do we pursue "mindless fun", proclaiming "this is as good as it gets" - while "I can't get no satisfaction" plays in the background? Does being quietly by ourself provoke anxiety? And in the company of others, do we quickly fill silent moments to avoid dreaded "dead air"?
     My Dad, who lived for almost 86 years, witnessed his parents, 3 younger sisters, and all of his closest friends grow old, get sick, and die. Such traumas ("shipwrecks") can & do cause "the world as I knew it", including "who I thought I was", to disintegrate, numerous times within a lifetime. 
     “To undergo shipwreck is to be threatened in a total and primary way. … what has dependably served as shelter and protection and held and carried one where one wanted to go comes apart. What once promised trustworthiness vanishes." Lesser E. “Broken open. How difficult times can help us grow.” Villard, NY, 2005.

     Afterwards there are 2 options: shrivel up, cynical, vengeful & miserable OR construct a new, broader, more inclusive model of reality that can contain what just happened.
     "When we have been through a trial and survived it – or better still, transformed its terrors into revelations – then we begin to approach other adversities with a different attitude. Change and loss may still knock us off the horse, but soon we are back in the saddle, stronger & wiser than ever. As life progresses, and we continue to transform and refine our consciousness, we gain more insight and humility, greater strength of character, and deeper faith in the meaningfulness of life." Lesser E. “Broken open. How difficult times can help us grow.” Villard, NY, 2005. 

     PROACTIVELY studying one's worldview / self-concept is uncommon (avoided) in our society. Yet the millions of people who meditate, do precisely that - specifically to achieve greater & greater clarity about reality - how things actually are.

     Which works better, avoiding or facing reality? Is becoming a competent swimmer reasonable when only the timing & number of shipwrecks is unknown?

Photo: Veltchev   www.dpreview.com

"The wisdom of no escape"

     Most of us realize that the problem-solving approach Arnold Schwarzenegger used in his movies was meant to be comedic. "The war to end all wars" (WW I) didn't. And yet, the public continues to support equally useless wars on drugs, terrorism, crime ...

     To (attempt to) eradicate something, it's first demonized - made utterly hateful AND foreign to ourselves individually and collectively to "our tribe", then it's fine to swat it like a mosquito. It's awkward of course when "one of our own" commits a reprehensible act - then we have to "disown" the unfortunate - an outcast, left behind to fend for himself in the wilderness. Most awkward is when we ourselves mess up! Then we have to disown the act - through lying, denial, repression, suppression, avoidance, temporary insanity ... "The system" or one's parents are also handy targets to deflect the blame.

     We each have to take personal responsibility - start looking at our self deeply and honestly. What is our role in this mess? This is infinitely more complex and challenging than diagnosing and treating patients' physical illnesses. Most of us have minimal training in psychosocial matters, and deep self-reflection is uncharted territory for us. Nevertheless, if we wish to fully engage the complexity of our single, short, precious life, then it's worth really serious effort.

     A personal / professional "shipwreck" can suddenly force this inward journey. For this liminal experience to be a productive growth experience, for externally-oriented perfectionists, it's a really good idea to have professional guidance. In Nova Scotia, we have a free, confidential Professionals' Support Program for dentists, physicians and veterinarians, operated by Doctors Nova Scotia. The two fine people behind it are:

Tracy Scott MD  and  Carolyn Thomson MD
Confidential help line: 902-468-8215
E-mail: professionalsupport@doctorsns.com

        Title of today's blog is from the excellent book:         Chodron P. “The Wisdom of No Escape.” Shambhala, Boston, 1991.