Basically Good Yet Misbehaving - Human Nature - Primitive & Evolving Parts

     The vast majority of people are fundamentally decent, kind & altruistic, even capable of heroic acts of self-sacrifice for strangers. Wisdom traditions and religions understand the basic goodness of human beings. Secular author Jeremy Rifkin agrees: “Much of our daily interaction with our fellow human beings is empathic because that is our core nature. … the extraordinary evolution of empathic consciousness is the quintessential underlying story of human history.” (*** See video below ***)
     At the same time, we all make errors in judgment, harming others, ourselves, & the environment. How can we reconcile our basic goodness with our proclivity to "screw up"?
     Neurologically, we know that we operate from both a primitive brain stem (reptilian survival reflexes) and a highly-evolved pre-frontal cortex (mature human judgment / executive function). Under certain conditions (eg alcohol, stress), we can regress / devolve: our pre-frontal cortex temporarily shuts down, and we can "behave like animals." Afterwards, when the pre-frontal cortex comes back online, we may not believe how we just behaved, & may earnestly deny or rationalize. The evolved part of us cannot - YET MUST LEARN TO - recognize & acknowledge our primitive part. Such "parts" are subpersonalities we all have.
     A nuanced model by which we can understand "parts", and improve upon this vexing dichotomy is Internal family systems (IFS). "IFS, developed by Richard Schwartz PhD, is an experiential, non-pathologizing model of therapy that gently and respectfully allows clients to explore their inner lives. The basic assumption of the model is that every human being, regardless of circumstance or trauma, possesses, at their core an untarnished Self from which flows a never-ending resource of love and self-compassion. IFS therapy helps clients understand themselves more deeply, unburden negative beliefs about themselves, and access their internal resource of Self, thereby experiencing profound shifts in well-being." http://toni.therapylinq.com/psychotherapyconsultation/


     A very useful perspective on this comes from the research of psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.com/2019/11/conflicting-perspectives-and.html

     We always have 3 basic choices: regression, staling, or intentionally evolving in our development as conscious loving human beings. Postponing our inevitable evolution in consciousness prolongs needless suffering, while nurturing this process personally & globally is wise and healthy.

     “The most important question facing humanity is this: Can we reach global empathy in time to avoid the collapse of civilization and save the earth?” 
       Jeremy Rifkin. “The Empathic Civilization. The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis.” Penguin, 2009.
 

Misbehavior & Inappropriate Shame; Appropriate Guilt & Perfection in an Imperfect World

     While mediating disagreements between students & students, staff & students, staff & faculty, or between students and faculty, I'm always impressed by how differently each side relates their version of the same event. As in the news, there is vehement denial of any wrongdoing. I'm starting to think that people actually believe what they're saying, even when there's overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
     When a person does something harmful, I suspect that they FEEL COMPELLED, DRIVEN to do it - everything in their life, up to this point in time, "made them" behave in this way. It seemed reasonable to them at the time - inevitable. They DON'T do this because they want to "be bad." If they eventually admit to committing the offense, they tend to deflect blame, pointing out who or what "made them do it".
     People seem to be losing the ability to accept blame for harmful inappropriate actions - they cannot take direct personal responsibility - they find GUILT unacceptable. Perhaps they "reason": since I'm not evil, I could not have done this, or at least, could not be responsible. Even when "caught red-handed", they flatly deny everything AND angrily accuse their accusers of humiliating them. They feel SHAME, but seem incapable of feeling appropriate GUILT.
     Yet, in order to grow as a responsible adult, one must learn to accept responsibility for, and correct inappropriate behavior WITHOUT feeling diminished as a human being.
     Everyone's behavior is, at times, mindlessly harmful, and needs to be corrected. AT THE SAME TIME, deep within, we all contain a seed of perfection (according to most wisdom traditions). Every one of us is capable of thinking, speaking and acting, with increasing consistency, from this place of wisdom & stillness, instead of mindlessly acting out of self-centered primitive reflexes. We need to intentionally nurture this normal, healthy maturation process within ourselves and those around us.
     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/04/self-conscious-shame-guilt-and-basic.html

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