Misbehavior & Inappropriate Shame; Appropriate Guilt & Perfection in an Imperfect World

     While mediating disagreements between students & students, staff & students, staff & faculty, or between students and faculty, I'm always impressed by how differently each side relates their version of the same event. As in the news, there is vehement denial of any wrongdoing. I'm starting to think that people actually believe what they're saying, even when there's overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
     When a person does something harmful, I suspect that they FEEL COMPELLED, DRIVEN to do it - everything in their life, up to this point in time, "made them" behave in this way. It seemed reasonable to them at the time - inevitable. They DON'T do this because they want to "be bad." If they eventually admit to committing the offense, they tend to deflect blame, pointing out who or what "made them do it".
     People seem to be losing the ability to accept blame for harmful inappropriate actions - they cannot take direct personal responsibility - they find GUILT unacceptable. Perhaps they "reason": since I'm not evil, I could not have done this, or at least, could not be responsible. Even when "caught red-handed", they flatly deny everything AND angrily accuse their accusers of humiliating them. They feel SHAME, but seem incapable of feeling appropriate GUILT.
     Yet, in order to grow as a responsible adult, one must learn to accept responsibility for, and correct inappropriate behavior WITHOUT feeling diminished as a human being.
     Everyone's behavior is, at times, mindlessly harmful, and needs to be corrected. AT THE SAME TIME, deep within, we all contain a seed of perfection (according to most wisdom traditions). Every one of us is capable of thinking, speaking and acting, with increasing consistency, from this place of wisdom & stillness, instead of mindlessly acting out of self-centered primitive reflexes. We need to intentionally nurture this normal, healthy maturation process within ourselves and those around us.
     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/04/self-conscious-shame-guilt-and-basic.html

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