Relational Wounding, Sense of Deficiency, Over Compensations

     Like a number of others, John Welwood “believes that humanity’s fundamental problem is that people are disconnected from their true nature. … while this is a spiritual articulation, it is also accurate psychologically. … this disconnection from our true nature happens in relationship, starting when we are children.
     Growing up, we are dependent on parents and other adults who are themselves disconnected. Through neglect, abuse, or simply lack of attunement, they transmit disconnection to us. ‘This is the beginning of relational wounding. The child doesn’t feel fully seen, valued, or loved for who they are. Now, you could say, “Well, it’s an imperfect world and nobody gets the ideal love,” and that’s probably true, but not getting it does leave psychological scarring.” For some people, the wounds are minor and readily workable; for others, the wounds are deep and lead to complete dysfunction. 
     Relational wounding creates a sense of deficiency inside, which we try to compensate for by proving that we really are loveable – that we really are good or strong or smart. Theoretically it is possible to heal these wounds without the help of a therapist, but practically speaking, says Welwood, ‘it’s not realistic – just the same way the spiritual path isn’t easy to do on your own.’” Shambhala Sun, March 2013 

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