Most of us got to where we are by being goal-oriented (over) achievers. We clearly assumed that getting to where we are would make us happy. And yes, we can feel satisfaction about our career and the fact that we've helped many patients along the way and have provided well for our families. So why do many of us feel dissatisfied?
Meditation teachers uniformly advise that the "gaining mind" - precisely the goal-oriented, striving operating system that we have identified with over most of our lives - makes true contentment impossible! And how do most of us handle our dissatisfaction? By trying to suppress, avoid or medicate it into our subconscious. We "try to keep busy" - as if this were a noble and intelligent thing to do.
Someone once said that the first half of life is a mistake. Certainly to the extent that we mutate into single-minded achievement machines, it is a colossal mistake. Many of us can't extricate ourselves from this "doing" mode - we become our function, forgetting who we are as human beings.
So what's the alternative to "if only I can achieve (or avoid) X, THEN I'll be happy"? It's switching over to a less surgical, more gardener-style of thinking. Doing what needs to be done, in the present moment, and being satisfied with the process itself. No expectations, no anxieties about results, having done all one can to nurture an organic process. This shift in one's modus operandi is definitely not instant, but certainly more congruent with the second half of life - when it's time to cultivate wisdom.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteListening to my mental dialogue, I seem to be driven by a script that demands that I “work, work, work” or “do, do, do” to “get it all done” so that I can be satisfied.
In listening to my body, I detect physical sensations of unease (I am wondering whether this is what Buddhists refer to as “suffering” or dissatisfaction) which trigger the mental script above and cause further tension.
Therefore in my, rudimentary, observation the physical and the mental seem to collude to create an almost constant sense of dissatisfaction. Ironically, it is this sense of dissatisfaction that drove me to graduate school followed by medical school. However I am starting to realize that the satisfaction that I am looking for may have to be cultivated directly, independent of achievement.
Any further thoughts?
You express yourself very well and your experience is, I'm pretty sure, widespread in industrialized countries, perhaps particularly among health-care professionals.
ReplyDeleteA LOT of working / doing fails to bring us satisfaction, so we persevere and do MORE (in quality / quantity) of "what doesn't work". If one replaced the socially-approved, and in fact encouraged, excessive "working" with socially-stigmatized excessive drinking, eating or gambling, it immediately becomes obvious. There's an addictive quality to it. Work (alcohol, food, gambling) alone, regardless of the quality / quantity, cannot provide the happiness we seek. Robert Wright wrote: "The essence of addiction … is that pleasure tends to dissipate, and leave the mind agitated, hungry for more." Gerald May, a psychiatrist who worked in addictions for 25 years, wrote that we are ALL legitimately addicted to multiple "substances" eg work, chocholate, etc.
Most of us seem to need to fully experience dissatisfaction with our own addictions before we can transcend them ie we don't need to stop working, eating (or even drinking etc in moderation), but do need to re-balance by looking for what brings deep meaning and direction to our lives.
The wisdom traditions offer well-traveled road maps to living a deep meaningful life. These offer complete WAYS OF LIFE ie not simply an add-on to tweek our current unsatisfactory way of life. Wisdom traditions are many and varied: Taoism, (non-dual) Yoga / Hinduism, Buddhism, Kabbalah, (non-dual) Christian mysticism, Sufism. You will become a better, more empathic, balanced physician in the process.
I read about these paths for 30 years before embarking on one of them with increasing seriousness. The various wisdom traditions each appeal to different personality types and perhaps historic times. Also, availability of respected teachers is a consideration.
You're in an excellent place and time - there are infinite possibilities for living a very rich and rewarding life!