Elephant in the Room

      “I like to behave in an extremely normal, wholesome manner for the most part in my daily life. Even if mentally I’m consumed with sick visions of violence, terror, sex and death.” Courtney Love

      "Death is an inescapable fact of life that, nonetheless, most people avoid contemplating too directly. When mortality is salient, it can arouse experiences varying from distress and anxiety to a sense of urgency and a search for meaning. Although there are various ways to cope with this existential concern, ranging from hopelessness, to denial, to seeking symbolic immortality, it seems clear that the consideration of death affects people intensely, whether or not such contemplation is made consciously. Indeed, work within terror management theory suggests that mortality salience is a potent motivator of human behavior, even when thoughts of death exist outside of focal attention."
       Niemiec CP, et al. "Being Present in the Face of Existential Threat: The Role of Trait Mindfulness in Reducing Defensive Responses to Mortality Salience." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2010; 99 (2): 344–365.

     “We all have lessons to learn during this time called life; this is especially apparent when working with the dying. The dying learn a great deal at the end of life, usually when it is too late to apply.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross      
       Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, David Kessler. “Life Lessons. Two Experts on Death and Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life and Living.” Scribner, 2000.

 

     “Buddhist psychology offers models of the process and structures of the mind. It shows how flight from the existential inevitability of loss, pain, and death leads to delusion, which is a subtle and pervasive refusal to face reality. Instead, we attempt to find and hold on to something that is concrete and substantial. This common mentality is one of grasping, which leads to attachment and creates an accumulation of habit-energies, preferences, and behavior patterns that support the illusion of an enduring self that can escape impermanence. Buddhist psychology sees this self as a defensive structure that lacks foundation yet dominates the ordinary mind.”
       Caroline Brazier. “Buddhism on the Couch. From Analysis to Awakening Using Buddhist Psychology.” Ulysses Press, 2003.

     “There is no one ‘treatment of choice’ for trauma [or IMHO, existential terror], and any therapist [or IMHO, religious / spiritual guide] who believes that his or her particular method is the only answer to your problems is suspect of being an ideologue rather than somebody who is interested in making sure that you get well.”
       Bessel Van Der Kolk. “The Body Keeps the Score. Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.” Penguin Books, 2015.

     ideologue: an adherent of an ideology, especially one who is uncompromising and dogmatic; an impractical idealist; an often blindly partisan advocate or adherent of a particular ideology.
     religious exclusivism: the doctrine or belief that only one particular religion or belief system is true.

 

Bad Behavior, Self-acceptance & Interoception

     There's often far more to disturbingly "inappropriate" or "bad" behavior than immorality or poor parenting. Significant trauma enters the equation much more often than we think. "Knowing the difference between right & wrong" and "trying one's best" have very little influence when a posttraumatic reaction is triggered.
     We may suspect, but usually have no idea about peoples' past history, even of those we've known for a long time. Trauma is not something most of us want to revisit, much less share with others.

     “Paradoxically, the more we try to change ourselves, the more we prevent change from occurring. On the other hand, the more we allow ourselves to fully experience who we are, the greater the possibility of change."
       Laurence Heller, Aline LaPierre. "Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship.” North Atlantic Books, 2012.


     “…trauma is much more than a story about something that happened long ago. The emotions and physical sensations that were imprinted during the trauma are experienced not as memories but as disruptive physical reactions in the present. 
     … the engines of posttraumatic reactions are located in the emotional brain. In contrast with the rational brain, which expresses itself in thoughts, the emotional brain manifests itself in physical reactions: gut-wrenching sensations, heart pounding, breathing becoming fast and shallow, feelings of heartbreak, speaking with an uptight and reedy voice, and the characteristic body movements that signify collapse, rigidity, rage, or defensiveness.
     …the rational brain cannot abolish emotions, sensations, or thoughts (such as living with a low-level sense of threat or feeling that you are fundamentally a terrible person, even though you rationally know that you are not to blame for having been raped). Understanding why you feel a certain way does not change how you feel. But it can keep you from surrendering to intense reactions (for example, assaulting a boss who reminds you of a perpetrator, breaking up with a lover at your first disagreement, or jumping into the arms of a stranger.) However, the more frazzled we are, the more our rational brains take a backseat to our emotions.
     The fundamental issue in resolving traumatic stress is to restore the proper balance between the rational and the emotional brains, so that you can feel in charge of how you respond and how you conduct your life. … 
     Recovery from trauma involves the restoration of executive functioning and, with it, self-confidence and the capacity for playfulness and creativity. 
     If we want to change posttraumatic reactions, we have to access the emotional brain and do ‘limbic system therapy’: repairing faulty alarm systems and restoring the emotional brain to its ordinary job of being a quiet background presence that takes care of the housekeeping of the body, ensuring that you eat, sleep, connect with intimate partners, protect your children, and defend against danger. 
     The neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux and his colleagues have shown that the only way we can consciously access the emotional brain is through self-awareness, ie by activating the medial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that notices what is going on inside us and thus allows us to feel what we’re feeling. (The technical term for this is ‘interoception’ – Latin for ‘looking inside.’) Most of our conscious brain is dedicated to focusing on the outside world: getting along with others and making plans for the future. However, that does not help us manage ourselves. Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going on inside ourselves.”
       Bessel Van Der Kolk. “The Body Keeps the Score. Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.” Penguin Books, 2015.

Mistaken Sacrifices

     I thoroughly enjoy reading W. Somerset Maugham. In the preface to his “Collected Short Stories Vol 4.” (Penguin Books, 1973) he says that these “were written long before the Second World War and I should tell the reader that the sort of life with which they deal no longer exists.” Later he describes a hotel that “should have been a depressing place, but somehow it wasn’t; its quaintness saved it. It had a faint aroma of something strange and half-forgotten.”
     From detailed loving attention alone, Maugham is able to rebuild the irretrievable past, even for readers not yet born, nor ever having visited the places he describes. This brings to mind two of my favorite quotes: 
     "Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough."     George Washington Carver

      "You learn about a thing ... by opening yourself wholeheartedly to it. You learn about a thing by loving it." Barbara McClintock - Nobel prize-winning geneticist

     How radically different than the life of today's health-care providers and first responders: police, firefighters, paramedics & prison guards. It's shocking how much these fine people knowingly, but especially unknowingly, sacrifice. By maximizing their external actions ('doing'), they almost totally neglect their inner life ('being'), all because of a collective, unexamined ethos of 'traditional masculinity.' Anything 'soft', like self-reflection, self-compassion & appropriate self-care, is rigidly excluded to avoid any suggestion of weakness or lack of competence. This bravado continues despite a high incidence of primary & secondary traumatization, burnout, PTSD & suicide. 
     Socrates knew 2,500 years ago that the unexamined life is not worth living. Why do so many of us have to crash & burn to find this out for ourselves? How long will it take these professional cultures to intentionally evolve toward a wiser worldview?

     Traditional masculinity: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2017/05/traditional-masculinity-in-health.html 
     Sanity: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/02/sanity-diligent-introspection-in.html

Traditional Masculinity in the Health Professions?

     What is the role of 'traditional masculinity' in medical & dental schools? How does 'traditional masculinity' relate to power, privilege & entitlement - vs those who consider health professions as their life calling?

     “In most western settings, including prisons, it’s ‘traditional’ masculinity that is dominant. Aggression, hardness, physical power and emotional reticence – not love and compassion – are the qualities most highly valued. These values are intimately connected to, and manifest in, power and systems of domination – governmental, financial, military and domestic – by which a small number of men secure the natural and economic resources of the planet for themselves, and protect their privilege by any and all means, including imprisonment, slavery and force of arms. 
     Many men who are raised to believe in these values, but who are denied access to the rewards such values supposedly offer – and who live without encountering alternative narratives – are angry, depressed, violent and destructive. 
     These are the young men who fill our prisons, who fight in the streets and in pubs, who beat their partners and their children, who fill the internet with misogynistic hate. Historically, they are also the men who are enlisted to fight for other men’s power. When we talk about finding new heroes and new models of masculinity, we have to talk about dismantling these systems of domination. 
     Power knows this, which is why voices calling for different models – valuing peaceful coexistence, mutual tolerance, caretaking of each other and of the planet – are most often marginalised and ridiculed, and sometimes exiled, imprisoned or killed.”

       Howard Cunnell. “Traditional ideas of masculinity are poisoning our society. There is another way.” 
         https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/15/power-violence-define-men-peace-masculinity

       See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/10/is-it-time-for-healing-can-we-let-war.html

We're All Building Walls!

     It's obvious that tying off an arm or a leg with a tight tourniquet causes the tied-off portion to rapidly wither & die. Normal circulation of blood, carrying oxygen & other nutrients ie vital energy to, and carbon dioxide & other wastes away from all parts of the body, is a basic necessity of life.
     Not so obvious, but one can see for oneself, is that focusing attention on a part of the body during meditation, for example by visualizing breathing directly into the area, will increase circulation in that area. The area will soon feel warmer, look redder, & may swell slightly (eg hands during standing meditation). This is a healthy, parasympathetic "relaxation response."

     These next two are more advanced, but make sense and are definitely worth experimenting with.

     • Immediately after an acute physical injury (that doesn't require medical or first aid treatment), drop all anger, worry or concern, and know that the injured area will heal perfectly fine on its own, and carry on as if nothing happened. Remember, for millions of years, our ancestors would have behaved precisely this way, even for more severe injuries! It will surprise you how much less pain, swelling, redness, stiffness & loss of function you will experience.
     Nowadays, we typically do the opposite - we get mad at ourself or whoever we blame for the accident; get all worried that it will hurt; anxious that it will take a long time - if ever - to heal properly, etc. Such emotional overreactions markedly ramp up the acute inflammatory response: pain, swelling, redness, stiffness, and delay healing - all for a very minor injury that is best simply left alone.

     • During an otherwise pleasant musical performance, the couple sitting beside you compulsively text in the dark theater, despite you repeatedly looking at them with disapproval. Your anger steadily mounts with unpleasant fantasies of what you'd like to say / do to them. You feel physically tight & know your blood pressure is elevated. Suddenly you decide to drop all anger, worry & concern, and simply enjoy the show. The tightness & pressure you felt is immediately replaced by looseness, relaxation & gentle tingling throughout your body (felt flow of energy - qi or prana). 
     It takes practice to suddenly intentionally shift the flow of your energy from fight / freeze / flight (sympathetic nervous system) to relaxation (parasympathetic nervous system), but it's remarkably gratifying & wholesome, and will prevent all manner of short- & long-term problems in your life.

     It's disconcerting to realize how many times per hour we mentally, emotionally - & therefore physiologically & in other physical ways - isolate parts of our self from the rest of ourself, or our entire self from other people or the rest of the universe. Unthinkingly, we erect all sorts of these needless conceptual walls, causing us & everyone else endless problems. A classic book on this: Wilber K. "No boundary. Eastern and Western approaches to personal growth." Shambhala, 1979.

     But with dedicated, intentional practice we can & will gradually break down all the "walls" (boundaries, armor, ego defences, etc) on which we once depended for survival (or thought we did), but which now are heavy burdens. 
     During qi gong breathing, we open up all the pores in our body welcoming in fresh air & energy as we breath in. During the out-breath, we release all the stale air, stress & fatigue. We learn to be increasingly porous & open, allowing vital energy to circulate freely, re-establishing normal healthy circulation between ourselves, parts of ourselves, and the universe. 

Green Tree by Alice Mason   https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/AliceMasonArtist?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Multistate View of Consciousness in 1993

     “Roberts identifies below a number of beliefs fundamental to an emergent multistate view of consciousness:

      All persons have the capacity to experience multiple states of consciousness (SOCs) and it is a natural, healthy, human trait to achieve, explore and develop many SOCs.

     The experience of reality and the sense of time, space and matter are functions of the SOC in which they are experienced. Knowledge can change as reason and perception also differ from one SOC to another. And finally self identity and social relationships also change with shifts to different SOCs. 

     Many people learn best in different SOCs (such as focused awareness, guided imagery or relaxation/meditation). Intelligence is the optimal use of each SOC and the more general ability to select appropriate SOC for the task at hand. As different states are realized, individuals attain higher levels of experientially grounded knowledge.

     Thoughts, values, beliefs and other conscious or mental phenomena exert emergent or downward influence on human behavior and as for creativity and problem solving the most insightful and valuable ideas often occur during non-ordinary SOCs. Higher consciousness is a state periodically glimpsed rather than constantly realized.

      Personal existence extends beyond the usual limits of the body-based identity, time and space. The physical, biological, chemical and electrical state of the body and the brain can be voluntarily controlled to an unknown extent; thus a SOC is a controllable variable. It is possible to control the autonomic nervous system voluntarily by biofeedback, meditation, yogic postures, imagery and other noninvasive practices. Mental and physical healing are associated with access to certain SOCs.”

        Chipley D. “Unity Consciousness and Educational Change: Beyond Knowledge to Wisdom.” International Journal of Transpersonal Studies 1993; 12(1): 23–34.    http://digitalcommons.ciis.edu/ijts-transpersonalstudies/vol12/iss1/3

 

The Seed by Alice Mason  https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/AliceMasonArtist?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Job, Work, Calling?

     "No one else can tell you what your life's work is, but it's import­ant that you find it. 
     There is a part of you that knows - affirm that part. " Willis Harman

     "An important distinction for finding balance in your work-life is to remember that your 'job' is fundamentally different from your 'Work':
     Your 'job' is the set of roles and responsibilities that you need to fulfill in order to satisfy the terms of your employment.
     Your 'Work' is the mission or purpose you feel most deeply called or guided to fulfill in the course of your life.
     True life-work balance can be realized when you learn how to get your Work done while you are doing your job!"

       Joel Levey, Michelle Levey. “Living in Balance: A Mindful Guide for Thriving in a Complex World.” Divine Arts, Revised & Expanded edition, 2014. www.wisdomatwork.com

 

Flower Girl by Alice Mason    https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/AliceMasonArtist?ref=l2-shopheader-name