Monday 7 July 2014

"Not Good Enough" Runs our Lives

     I'll never forget an instructor in first year dentistry - Dr. S. Each time I'd show him something I had just finished working on, he'd look at it for 30 seconds or so with a disgusted look on his face, then inevitably say "Ehhhh, do it over again." What he meant of course was "not good enough!"
     Like Dr. S, our parents likely meant well by repeatedly urging us to improve on various activities - HOWEVER - after a steady diet of this, doesn't a distinct impression form that WE are not good enough? And what do we do about this deep sense of insufficiency? WE STRIVE for ACCEPTANCE, which deep down we know we can't ever achieve, because ... we're simply "not good enough." 
     So we sense that we're perpetually running after (praise, acceptance) some elusive "must have" thing - like the fake rabbit that's always just out of the reach of the hounds on race tracks. Is this at least partly why some of us will "never retire"? At the same time, we're running from criticism, rejection.
     Maybe "not good enough" not just runs, but ruins lives. Is there any wonder why self-acceptance is a critical part of various psychotherapies?

Simulated Town, Palestine - Adam Broomberg & Oliver Chanarin

2 comments:

  1. But/And the energy for this keeps us achieving lots of great things, that serve ourselves and society.

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  2. You're right Janice, some of us can and do transform unskillful parenting & teaching methods into positive results - "turning lemons into lemonade". But too many of us must wage a lifelong battle against the effects of "conditional love". And those who are abused, tend to pass on the same abuse to their children & students - so suffering goes on and on. We need to wake up and behave more wisely!

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