The Inner Child, Unconditional Love, and Relationships with Ourselves & Others

     "The inner child refers to that part of each of us that is creative, energetic, spontaneous, enthusiastic, and fulfilled; what has been called by some the real self, and by others the true self, or the natural child. As children grow up, the natural child, the core of the personality, adapts to and is molded by a set of instructions on how to act to be loved. Being lovable or valued becomes contingent on not only behaving in prescribed ways but also on feeling in prescribed ways. Because love is a potent reinforcer of behavior, the child learns to experience and express primarily those thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that are rewarded by love. Children also learn to repress and deny those parts of themselves that are shamed. The world, as the child experiences it, revolves around the giving and withdrawing of love. Children receive conditional messages - that they are lovable when they act in certain ways but not in others - from their parents, other authority figures, and society. Conditional messages stifle, and even wound, the inner child. ...

     Whitfield, a leading theorist in inner child work ... estimates that 80-95% of people have not received the love, guidance, & other nurturing necessary to form consistently healthy relationships and to feel good about themselves and about what they do."

       Kneisl CR. Healing the wounded, neglected inner child of the past. Nurs Clin North Am 1991; 26(3): 745-55.

     Unless both parents are fully enlightened saints, complete with exceptional child-rearing skills, and an abundance of a wide array of resources including time & money, their child is not likely to receive consistent unconditional love. In short, I doubt if any of us has - and that's OK - we're all in the same boat, and we'll all eventually get through it together.

jeetsupratim   www.dpreview.com