Don't AVOID Scary Things out of Fear, APPROACH Skillfully with Love

     Approach or avoid? Odd question? Maybe not. Our amygdala makes this decision thousands of times each day. Consider your willingness to be with a "difficult, challenging" person - be it a relative, colleague, or "heart-sink patient". S/he rubs you the wrong way. Being with this person feels uncomfortable, hard to bear, painful - you don't think you can handle it gracefully, it wears you out. You fear that you're not up to the challenge - right?
     Now suppose you've just taken a course on "managing difficult people." You have a brand new bag of psychosocial skills you're eager to try. Now how do you feel about being with someone you previously judged as difficult, challenging? Completely different right? You're no longer afraid, in fact you're keen. Why? Because you now feel competent. You won't be worn out or some other way diminished by the encounter - you have a good chance of feeling empowered, and even the challenging person may feel better following the encounter.
     What's the first rule in dealing with "difficult" people? Don't prejudge - be curious about where they're coming from - ask questions & listen deeply. In other words, don't be afraid, be curious, learn their point of view, give them the gift of feeling heard. In other words, treat them with neighborly kindness (love) instead of judging them as bad, difficult, challenging (don't fear them).
     So, we can grow as human beings by approaching those whom we tend to avoid. Approaching them without judgment, but with curiosity and kindness will accomplish much - for us and them.
     While this suggestion is moral & ethical, it is NOT a "should", but rather a very practical course of action to test. As in any aspect of healing, if this reduces the suffering of others & your own, do more of it; if it increases suffering, do less.
     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/03/65-embracing-full-catastrophe.html

Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia - beautiful even during today's storm