Everyone does their best, under the circumstances - Attachment theory

     "Attachment theory posits that, beginning in infancy, children form highly affective relationships - or attachments - with their primary caregivers that are based on the infant's need for protection, comfort, and nurturance. Attachments vary in their quality in accordance with the type of attachment relationship a child has experienced. ... researchers have delineated different types of attachments: secure, insecure (with subtypes of anxious avoidant & anxious resistant), and disorganized. Children with secure attachments feel that their caregivers are physically & emotionally available to them and generally have better developmental outcomes and lower rates of psychopathology than children with insecure or disorganized attachments. Secure attachments provide a 'secure base' with the caregiver that fosters safe exploration and learning. Insecure attachment results from an infant's or child's attempt to maintain proximity to a caregiver who is emotionally unavailable or only intermittently responsive. Disorganized children or infants are caught between craving proximity and fearing to approach the caregiver. They often exhibit disorganized or contradictory behavior, such as freezing, stilling, or apprehension toward their attachment figures.
     Attachments can influence a child's behaviors and relationships in general. This occurs because beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that form within an affective, primary relationship eventually become internalized as the child's internal working models. These early relational interactions gradually evolve into increasingly complex patterns of affective regulation, self-organization, attitudes, & expectations about the world & relationships. In this way, interactions that emerge out of a dyadic experience become individual traits that can endure even when the environment changes."
       Zilberstein K. Clarifying core characteristics of attachment disorders: a review of current research and theory. Am J Orthopsychiatry 2006; 76(1): 55-64.

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