"If we take an honest look
within, we may notice a certain guardedness
around our heart. For some people, this is a thick, impenetrable barricade. For
others, it is a thinner, subtler protective shield or contraction that only emerges under threatening conditions. And
nothing triggers this sense of threat
so strongly as the suspicion … that we
are not truly loved or accepted as we are. Numbing or shutting down the
heart is an attempt to deflect pain of that.
Not knowing that we can be loved for who we are prevents us from
trusting in love itself, and this in turn causes us to turn away from life and
doubt its benevolence. We may tell ourselves that love is not really
available. But the deeper truth is that we don’t entirely trust it, and
therefore have a hard time fully opening to it or letting it all the way into
us. This disconnection from love most
often grows out of not feeling fully embraced or accepted in our family or
origin – whether through neglect, lack of attunement, or outright abuse.
Not feeling securely held in the arms of love, we fall into the grip of fear. Inadequate love and nurturance
directly impact the child’s sensitive nervous system, resulting in a certain
degree of shock or trauma that will affect
us for the rest of our life."
Welwood J. Perfect love, imperfect relationships. Healing the wound of
the heart. Trumpeter, Boston, 2006.
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| Photo: Nitin Gera http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/your-shot/weekly-wrapper |
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