At least one school of psychology maintains that if one's mother is absent - emotionally or physically - one tends to grow up feeling empty, invisible. Is it possible that creating vivid nightmares is the psychic equivalent of 'cutting' (deliberate self-harm) - a way of trying to feel real? Anger energy (rather than one's physical body) as an identity? Is this how perfectionism & workaholism arise?
Why would one consistently work overly hard to help all of one's family and friends, and feel smoldering resentment for being unappreciated. Again, an invisible person working in the background, unappreciated, is very likely to be angry. An impossible attempt to be "seen", appreciated and perhaps loved through one's actions? It comes across more like a severe contract than unconditional love.
Lack of unconditional love is traumatic. Nobody is raised with, nor capable of providing perfect unconditional love! Like any other dysfunctional parent-child relationship, some re-inflict the trauma, while others try to make sure to be much better parents. It's much easier to understand than to forgive parents' dubious parenting skills. Life's not easy for anyone.
|A Buddha in every jungle of scarred emotions|